I feel a big change coming on….

pexels-photo-702251.jpegI miss having a coffee shop in my town, I think many feel the loss.  Yes, there are other places to get coffee, but a cozy comfy coffee shop with that coffee shop atmosphere is what we have lost in our downtown area.   I loved feeling all “Central Perk” like with my laptop and latte`.  I loved to people watch and to be engaged with others just by sitting besides them, while reading or working.  Sometimes I think I want to open up a coffee shop (oh the ideas I have) so I am starting to dream and I am dreaming outside of the walls of my box!

What has brought this on? I want out of public school education.  I find my job challenging but I am no longer challenged.  What does that mean?  It means the things that are challenging are things I can not fix, I can not mend.  It means I am no longer challenged because I am actually feeling defeated.  In the last 5 years I have ended each school year thinking, “well it can’t get worse than that,” and each return to August I find it can, and it does. I can not change the complete dysfunction of public school education and with our new political team that reigns at the top, it is only going to worsen in the next 3 years. I am done, toast, fried even.  I have given it all I got.  I am no longer passionate.  I do love the children, but I can no longer give them what is truly needed and the band aids I can apply fall off in the rain.  It rains often where I work.  It is time for a new regime.

What will I do?  Who knows.   I am going to take my time to explore.  When will this happen?  This year, next year, the year after?  It will happen when it happens but it will happen.  I no longer see myself as a “lifer” at my job, as I have always told people.    I only have 15 years in and for most educators that is minute, but I am not willing to stay somewhere I am no longer passionate about.  In fact, I think it is making me ill, it is keeping me too close to my compulsions.

I still have to make money.   So, I have to take some time to do research, ask questions, and to explore.  Will I go back to my business degree?  Will I become an entrepreneur?  Will I become more active in the LGBTQA world?  Will I throw caution to the wind?  What I learned yesterday at an empowerment conference was to JUST DO IT.  Whatever it is, don’t let fear block you, let it drive you.  Don’t let lack of knowledge be your crutch to evade, let yourself learn as you go.  Just do whatever it is you want to do, nothing is too out there or too crazy.  Failure is an option, it happens.  But failure doesn’t mean you die- it means something didn’t work out so learn from it and move on.  See failure as feedback.  I know I have always known this, I am sure I have said a version of this countless times to students but here I am hearing it for the first time- for myself.  This has opened a whole new set of ideas for me, if I choose to heed this guidance.  And I think I just may……

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