I spent this morning reading through all of my blogs for the last couple of years (I didn’t write too many, maybe 6). And I see I have worked hard for three years. It doesn’t feel like it because I am still overweight, binge eating (though infrequently, started with the holidays) and still fairly sedentary. But so much of my hard work has been work from within and that you can not always see by looking at the outside.
I stopped the self loathing. This is huge. My body is my body and I am going to respect it this year. Ending the self loathing, does not mean I am in love with my temple but it does mean that I will be kinder to it. This will be new for me. I will be treating my body with good nutrition and exercise. I will also be treating my body with love and I will not use body shaming statements. I am going to be mindful of my words and thoughts about my body.
I am still sober 3 years and 3 months. I am still thinking about not drinking, all. of. the. time. And it still exhausts me. My overthinking is not thinking about having a drink, it is thinking about others not having fun being with me, it is me being bored, it is me isolating myself and at times being paralyzed about these thoughts. I know my depression is also keeping me down and I am not doing all I need to be doing to keep my happy juice flowing. I need to go back to using my seasonal affect disorder light and I have to exercise.
To be kind to me, I plan to work on getting myself back out with others. I turn down all social outings and stopped planning my own, this has caused me to be isolated. I use to go out all of the time, I was very social and I have been protecting myself by just staying away. I am learning from This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life by Annie Grace that isolation can be dangerous, I didn’t even realize I was doing this to both myself and my husband. I plan to keep reading and learning about sobriety and growing from within. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: Discovering a happy, healthy, wealthy alcohol-free life by Catherine Gray I think I will also read Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. I have to keep myself mindful of both addictions, alcohol and food. I also found a website, though I am not sold on it- but I will keeping looking for people to connect with and places to be helpful.
I want to start focusing on other aspects of my life besides alcohol and food. I want to find true hobbies that I have passion for- the yoga died out and the golf is NOT improving and it is becoming too frustrating so I have to try new things. I need to have things to do, so I do not sit and watch Netflix all the time, remaining sedentary.
It is all about kindness. If I am kinder to me, I know I will find that inner peace and happiness I so desperately crave. Every year I keep trying. Each year I learn something new about me. I will get there!
Happy New Year to Everyone!